For starters, this post isn’t going to be super upbeat and happy. This is a more grounded, sharing type of post. In no way shape or form am I looking for sympathy or anything like that. I want to share my story so others who are struggling can know that they’re not alone. As I’ve said before, I want this blog to be a place where you can relax, chat, and get away from your everyday life. This post is very important to me, and I hope you see why.
So here it goes:
I suffer from severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depression. It’s only recently spiraled out of control, but I’m working through it. Sometimes I feel fine, I can go to class or wherever I need to go, and I can get all of my work done. Most of the time, however, I can’t get out of bed, leave my room, or get any work done. I have panic attacks that sometimes out of nowhere. There are a lot of days where I feel that I can’t even speak to people without having a panic attack, so I just stay in. Sometimes I’ll love to be around my friends, and other times I’ll leave abruptly because I physically, emotionally, or mentally handle being around other people (even my friends and family). If you’ve been around me for even just a few days, I’m sure you’ve noticed me randomly leaving, not speaking much, or even having to cancel plans because I can’t physically bring myself to go anywhere.
I’ve been struggling for awhile now, and only recently have I received the full help I need to work through it. I have a therapist who I trust and love to talk to, and a psychiatrist who knows what medication is right for me. I have a strong support system of family, friends, peers, and my boyfriend. This picture below, this is what I look like after a panic attack. Which is OKAY. Being put together doesn’t have to happen all of the time.
Although some days are worse than others, I finally found something that can temporarily distract me from all of this: makeup.
I know it seems silly, but I don’t love makeup just because it’s fun. I love makeup because it brings out a side of me I never really thought was there. This is something I feel that I’m finally decent at doing, and something I can work with every day if I need to. This is an outlet for me, a healthy, loving outlet. Especially now with my blog and Instagram, I’ve been introduced to a community that loves and supports me no matter who I am or what my story is. Everyone who reads, comments, or likes my posts: you have no idea how much you mean to me.
Everyone who reads, comments, or likes my posts: you have no idea how much you mean to me. Without you guys, there wouldn’t be anywhere for me to go. I feel so much love and support from everyone around me, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that. I hope this post shows you that it’s okay to not be okay all of the time. That’s one of the reasons I always want people to feel free to chat with me. I want everyone and anyone who needs someone to talk with to know they have me. I hope this inspires you to find your outlet if you’re struggling, or to help your friend if you notice they’re struggling. If you stuck with this post until this point, then thank you (and you’re a real trooper).
You are beautiful. You are bright. You are important. Don’t ever let anyone else darken your spark. Please come to me if you ever need anything. I love you all to the moon and back.
xx – Em ♥